Posted by Jay Stevens, The Urban Times News on January 31, 2004 at 11:54:37:

The Urban Times News
Jay Stevens, email: jstevens©a©urbantimesnews.com

THE SHERIFF WHO COULD NOT SHOOT-AT ALL

Don't tell him-Uncle Harvey-but we are actually kind of happy for him that he finally got a job even if it is not the one he wanted. It was getting embarrassing for him and even for us. We predicted that he would never get a job-ever-in spite of what had to be numerous promises. But finally Uncle Harvey got a job, even if not ideally suited. Under Sheriff L. Harvey Smith, now to be known as Uncle Sheriff. For a very brief period he was Uncle Senator and proceeded immediately to embarrass himself, getting caught with his hand in the cookie jar the very first day on the job in the statehouse.

The new job pays $81,000, which is not too shabby, though Junior and Mariano, also Organized Crime employees, make more. And of course so does Boss Bill, Jersey City council boss. It is also less than Uncle Sheriff was making at Dickinson High, where nobody is quite certain what exactly he did. The kids were really sorry to see him leave, though, chanting "Goodbye Uncle Harvey," as they had affectionately taken to calling him.

Under Sheriff does not really have a ring to it. And Harvey's law-enforcement background, standing at precisely zero, does not really qualify him, but what has that got to do with anything? Anyway, Organized Crime will now give $81,000 a year of OUR money to Uncle Sheriff. It is probably best that he does not carry a gun. All he would do with it probably is shoot himself in the foot.

We would like to see Uncle Sheriff conduct some hard-hitting investigations and thoroughly look into The Millennium Towers Deal. We would like to reopen that case and let the light of day shine in on your role in that deal. You just don't do that kind of thing, don't you know? You were so bad that the director of a certain City agency had to tell you that you just don't do what you did. We would also like for you to examine your relationship with you favorite demolition company. We would like for you to find out for the people of Hudson County who now pay your salary what there is about that demolition company that you like that one so much. Goodness knows there are plenty of other demolition companies around. Why do you always insist on that one in particular? What makes them so damn good?

While you have your Sherlock Holmes cap on and your trusty magnifying glass handy also see if you could find out what exactly you were doing sitting on the steps of the Urban Times News Offices all afternoon waiting around. What was that all about? Did you want to run an ad in the newspaper? Please find out about that for us.

Also, let us in on the real reason you cannot just walk away from Bill Gaughan and Tom DeGise even if you wanted to, which you apparently do not. But see if you can get to the bottom of that for us too while you are in sleuth mode. And one other old case you ought to reopen is the real reason Roger Dodger Catfish Jones was fired by Gerry McCann. We have a hunch that you, Uncle Sheriff are just the guy to get to the very bottom of all these cases, like nobody else could. Our money is on you to do it.

IT'S SO COLD THE LAWYERS HAVE THEIR HANDS IN THEIR OWN POCKETS

Now, you KNOW it is cold when you see that! And would you just look at them all? There are so many these days it is difficult to keep track of them all. They are everywhere. In a recent movie, Satan, played by Al Pacino, walked among us and took the mortal form of a head partner in a major New York law firm. Satan was a lawyer. What a perfect vehicle. But now we have to wonder as we see the proliferation of lawyers infesting Hudson County particularly, whether life does not truly imitate art. Would it not be a terrible irony if the Prince of Darkness was watching this flick and said, "Now why the heaven didn't I think of that?" And, we know what you are thinking, so we would like to point out immediately before any of you jump to conclusions, that The Donald had become a lawyer and founded Scarinci and Hollenbeck before this movie came out. So if it is true, it is not the Donald. This time the Donald is innocent.

One of the Donald's minions was spotted in US District Court in Newark just the other day. The guy was there to defend other minions, these ones were minions of the Hudson County Democratic Organization from charges by the NAACP that they attempted to disenfranchise African American voters in the June primary, which of course is exactly what they did. That is just one more example of the many reasons we like to call HCDO Organized Crime. They systematically and repeatedly commit crimes and they are somewhat organized.

Now the NAACP has hauled them into court to prove it and the Donald sent one of his guys down to defend them from the charges. You know, now that we thing about it we are struck by the fact that many members of organized crime are also lawyers and also holders of public office. We guess that makes sense.

In fact, one of the other lawyers defending some of the Organized Crime guys in this case is Ed Florio, himself a card carrying member in good standing, of Organized Crime. Now there is a good example of what we are talking about. Ed is a lawyer and is an HCDO guy and holds a politically appointed office as counsel to the Freeholders of Hudson County. Come to think of it, Ed's partner is a better example. Senator Bernard Kenny Jr. is Ed Florio's law partner in the firm of Sarkisian, Florio and Kenny. And Bernie Jr. is an elected official, whereas Ed Florio is just an appointed guy and never had to run for office like Bernie Jr. did. Bernie is a perfect example of a guy who is a lawyer who is an elected official, a Senator, and who is also an Organized Criminal. Then we have our own smiling friendly Congressman Bob Menendez, these guys are winners of the Triple Crown of Evil. Just kidding guys, don't get all bent out of shape now. Remember, nobody reads this.

Let's see now, there go some more of them. Once again we see minions of the Donald along with some other lawyers leaving a different courtroom. This time it was about the HCDO election challenge. They lost badly and the Appellate Court upheld the Superior Court's decision that the election results stand. Mostly the election results stand because even if everything Organized Crime had complained about were true-and it certainly was not-it would not have changed the outcome of the election. What next? Supreme Court we suppose. That way, the HCDO can give the Donald some more of our money-you know, the taxpayers' stolen money, only they call it " contributions," and "competitive contracting." But we know and we give the Devil his due. That's why nobody ever does anything about it. With all the Shenanigans that go on around this place it looks like poor Nidia Davila Colon will be the Joan of Arc of Hudson County politics, at least for now. She is, up until now, the only one who stands to actually be punished and publicly made an example of. While she will not be burned at the stake for witchcraft and heresy, she is set to be locked up for about three years. Her heresy is that she was not an attorney.

We are not suggesting that all attorneys be burned at the stake, nor all office holders in and around Hudson County, nor even all members and confederates of Organized Crime. There have to be some good ones in the bunch, but those Triple Crown guys, maybe they should be burned at the stake. It might not stamp out evil but think how much money we would all save just from all the taxpayer money that would stop disappearing.

Jersey City Medical Center-What You Don’t Know Can Kill You

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