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: JERSEY CITY- In the world of Hudson County politics, everything is up for grabs from the usual to the vile but this week's sting truly feuds the latter. Ward C candidate James King was apprehended Monday by local authorities for breaking into the Jersey City crypt of former mayor Frank Hague in an attempt to disrupt a corpse for a bizarre occult good luck ceremony.
: "His eyes was all wild and he was all foamin' at the mouth sayin' 'I need bones. I need bones.'" explains the cemeteries midnight groundskeeper. "That's when my A$$ done call the police!"
: Apparently after thorough questioning, authorities concluded that King had mislead intentions.
: "He has difficulty hearing and he heard the recipe all wrong" says one inside source. "He said he needed all the luck in the world to win this council race and I guess when he couldn't find that he turned to those Satanism shenanigans.
: "He needed bones. and what better bone to grab than that of Jersey City's infamous?"
: And that is what Mr. King's ears misheard. According to local practitioners of black magic, the good luck charm requires no bones at all but just one simple little item.... a Lemur. Mr. King, according to authorities, thought it required a "femur".
: A Lemur is of a special group of primates found on the Comoro Islands. There are 50 species of Lemurs and 17 on the endangered species list. A femur is a thigh bone.
: "At least he got that right" says one King supporter. "He was always good with other people's bones and stuff. Say, you got a dollar for the bus? Come on! Can't you see a man is firsty?"
:  King is being held on $10,000 bail which cannot be made because it was spent on all his big misleading billboards.

: Whiskers
: Hudson Country 
: not "County"


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